So....I'm sick. Not I'm gonna kick off tomorrow so gather round and let me share my final wishes sick. But sick enough that the sickness distracts me from any activity that needs concerted concentration over a long period of time. Leaving an activity and then returning after a bout of what I'm bouting is exhausting and requires putting the head in the same place. This is not always easy. But guitar work seems to be distracting enough from my distractions that I get distracted. The changing of strings, The oiling of a fretboard. The examination of the saddle and the nut. The repairs I am capable of. Contemplating the repairs I would like to be capable of. The choosing of the tool and then the re-choosing of a tool. The playing. Ah the playing. I'm improving. It has taken a few decades and the passage through many events both personal and universal. Playing around with a chord or a note. Hearing how that sounds on a variety of guitars. They are all different in how they sing. My ears have become more discerning. I now hear the precision of a high note in the midst of a muddled low note. How each guitar plays the same progression differently. How I play each guitar differently. How the same string of notes played on a different guitar can either grow or just wither. The difference in the gauge of the strings and how they feel under the callouses of the tips of my left hand. The differences in the brands of the strings and the component metals and coatings. I order my tools and then reorder them. I love the smell of the wood and the oil and the polish. I smell each guitar like a rose and inhale the differences in age and wood. Mahogany does not smell the same as rosewood. The feel and texture. A satin finished cedar top is so markedly different from a gloss finish of spruce. In the midst of the slow rearranging of my bodies priorities I have been given....shit....I have given myself a continuing low intensity joy. When I told my son Oren that I was ill but that I probably wouldn't kick off for a while I got to joking about the funeral. I said he should try to do it as cheaply as possible. He asked me if he could use a guitar case for the casket. I love that kid!
Ted - joking about things is good. It keeps positivity to what many times, seems a dire & downward spiral.
ReplyDeleteBut it doesn't erase the facts...will only sometimes make them palatable when they become overwhelming. I know overwhelming well. It has been my sidekick for a number of years now & while I have learned to rein it in at times, it will slam me against the wall when I least expect it. Thank gawd for guitars, music & musical friends.
You haven't said what it is you're dealing with & I certainly respect your privacy on that. I am the same way. I learned years ago that people treat you a lot differently if they know you have something wrong. That is why I love the anonymity of the internet so much. I can just continue to be who I *really* am & no one is judging the shell, or what they perceive the shell to be?
As an example, have you ever noticed how people will holler when speaking to the blind? They know logically that sight has nothing to do with hearing but somewhere within, they lump it altogether as "this person's a malfunctioning human".
You already know that my time has been taken up this last year with Greg's cancer but that is only one of a few parts. I've also been dealing with disability since 2001. Literally relearning everything, not just guitar but walking, talking, sitting without falling over & all other things we take for granted our bodies know how to do. I would love to email with you *if you're up to that* & talk about your situation in some place other than a blog comment section?
BTW, I too have a blog...which I started 5 yrs ago to deal with my stuff. I can link you to that...it's a ramble-y thing that covers just about everything these days but that's okay...I'm not looking to win any awards. =)
I hope you're feeling as well as possible! ♥
~Ginger
http://www.back-to-the-egg.blogspot.com/